He stopped counting at 2000...

I don’t want to know about your past, I don’t need to know their names - I live very much in the present and I judge you based on who you are right now, here with me. Not who you used to be. I have always been this way mostly because I expect the same in return. We’re all ever changing, or at least should be, evolving. I have no desire to smother my judgement or cloud our potential future with your past. 

I am however interested in protecting myself. 

I have a deep respect and love for my body. I have seen in my friends the shocking results of thoughtless sex. I’ve seen the damages of bad communication and the long term scars  it’s left  on my friends. 

There’s a big difference between casual sex and thoughtless sex. If you want to  leave your past behind you that includes all the consequences of your behaviour. There’s a domino effect to all our actions and if you’re still experiencing the effects of your past actions then they have yet to be left in the past.. 

I knew he was a very popular guy and I felt uncomfortable with the amount of thoughtless sex he may have had. I judged him as a man who probably didn’t care about who was next and therefore didn’t ask the right questions. 

“Hey you good? I asked? Like are you safe?” 

“Of course” he replies.

I assume he understood  what I meant and all the signals he expressed. Yet,  I wasn’t entirely sure and, I’m clearly not about to ask him to pull up STI results or show me some medical paperwork.  That would  totally ruin the vibe. 

I did however ask one more question. How many? 

He froze.   He knew he had the ‘wrong’ answer but  he wanted to be honest anyway. I could see clearly in his face his battle between the desire to lie and the moral obligation to tell the truth.

“I stopped counting at 2000” he said.

It shocked me momentarily yet I knew he was underestimating. My mind started to spin.  There is no way I can add myself to that tally. How  can you sleep with that amount of people and NOT catch something?

Yet who cares what or who he’s done as long as he’s tested and right now. Right  here he stands before me safe. 

If iPlaySafe app had been around then I wouldn’t even have wanted to know how many.I would have simply wanted to see that purple badge and it would have filled me with confidence. But there was no badge, no security, no clarity, no proof to his words. I’m not into gambling, playing roulette with my body is not an option, so I bailed. 

Get the badge and I don’t want to know about your past, I don’t need to know their names.